Day 10 - Florence, OR (54.0 miles)

I’d like to step back a bit from the philosophical and talk about a few more prosaic topics.  (Editor’s note: I realize I’ve gotten a few days behind.  I do have content for those days, and I’ll be posting it as I can, trying to catch up.  Fear not, I’m not abandoning ship!)

First of all: Sandboarding!  What a fun thing.  I’m really glad I stopped; I had to bust my tail to get there before they closed, but it was worth it.  This trip is all about having new experiences, and falling on my ass while sliding down a giant hill of sand on a modified skateboard-esque device definitely fits the bill.  The weather was beautiful, and my guide was awesome.  I had an hour on their special custom board.  Sand Master Park is one of the only places in the United States where you can do sand boarding, and they are - as far as I know - the only place that builds their own boards.  The experience is a bit like surfing, a bit like skateboarding.  The guy told me that there’s a place called Sand City just south of Santa Cruz where you can also go sand board, and now I really want to try it out.

On a slightly more philosophical note, I’m re-learning on this trip that it really is about the journey, and not the destination.  Florence is the inflection point between my Pacific Coast trail experience and the Transamerica trail.  It’s one of two places to start the TransAm, the other (more popular) spot being up in Astoria, OR.  I hung about in Florence today trying to psyche myself up to get started.  Biking by the start of the trail, I looked around for signs.  I’m not sure what I was expecting - maybe a plaque?  Maybe a choir of angels?  What I got was a very average suburban-looking corner with a Safeway where I bought some AA batteries.  A part of me was a bit sad that there wasn’t more fanfare.  I found myself thinking about people who came the other way, all the way from Virginia, like my friend Jessica is about to do in a few weeks, and after all those miles, they end up here, in Florence, at the end of Highway 126, at the Safeway.  But then I realized: what would it really matter if there was a plaque?  This journey is about the *journey*.  In this case, that’s painfully obvious; nobody rides their bike across the country because they really need to get to Florence and have no other way to get there (well, not most people anyway).  But really, what this trip teaches is a truth that is universal, if sometimes harder to see; it’s an “edge case” that forces us to recognize that beginnings and ends are just things that we as humans invent, and that the reality of life is a constant flow of change.  In some ways, every day is a new beginning, and a new end.  When I first left on this trip, I was apprehensive, and I remember I went back inside my apartment 3 times, making excuses not to leave.  But what’s surprised me is that I keep doing that, keep making little excuses not to get started, almost every day.  Most days I wake up and I putz around more than I should.  Even though I’m having an amazing time and am looking forward to getting on the bike, for some reason it’s always a little hard to get started.  It’s like cold water; I know it’s going to feel great once I get in, and I’ve done it a thousand times, but for some reason I still pause at the shore.

A few people have asked me about my gear, so I’m going to make a list here and comment on what has worked and not worked for me so far.

GoPro, with board from cam-do.com and the flexible extendable arm attachment, spare battery and battery charger - This has, by and large, worked great.  The extendable arm was a great purchase, it’s rock solid and it allows me to adjust the GoPro to see out over the top of my pannier, and stay focused on the road.  The only problem I’m having is user error - I keep forgetting to charge the batteries.  Other than that, this has been great.  The cam-do.com board allows me to have the camera wake up and take a picture every 60 seconds, which is invaluable for battery life.

eTrex 10 - Amazing.  The perfect device for this trip.  It does three things for me: keep a GPS record of everywhere I’ve been, tell me how far I’ve gone, and tell me what time it is.  And it does all this on two AA batteries that last for days and days.  I love this thing.  My only complaint is that I was too cheap to get the one with a real altimeter, so it uses some kind of “interpolation” from a pre-set map, and that just doesn’t work very well.  Part of me wishes I’d spent extra on the eTrex 20, which has a real altimeter - but also has a color screen which makes the batteries drain faster.

U-Bolt, medium size

Gottlieb Handlebar pannier - I got this because I can’t hang a real pannier off my frame, since it’s a carbon fiber bike.  It works great.  When I weight it down too much, the bike becomes a bit harder to maneuver by hand, which is annoying but not a deal breaker.

REI camp towel, small

Air pillow

Silk bed liner with pillow insert - Honestly I’ve only used this twice, it wasn’t worth the expense

Two Sports basement plastic bottles - this is an area where I regret not investing more money.  These bottles make my water taste funny after only a couple of hours.

Giro helmet, Planet Bike cycling gloves, cycling strap for pants - fine

Mavic Energy Frame shoes - these are racing shoes, out of place for touring, but it’s what I happened to own.  A lot of folks told me to get SPD clips, and they might have been better, but I already had these, and so far, they’ve worked out perfectly fine.

Cheap Amazon.com sleeping bag and tent - So far, I’ve only used the bag twice (as a blanket) and I haven’t pitched the tent once.  This is the difference between “credit card camping” and honest-to-god camping.

Eton crank AM/FM/WB radio/LED/charger - this was intended for emergencies.  I haven’t used it yet

Goal Zero solar panel w/Switch back up battery - the one disappointment.  This basically hasn’t worked well at all, which is unfortunate.

Basic toiletries - razor, small thing of shampoo, small thing of soap, travel toothpaste, toothbrush, vitamins, ginkgo biloba (for the elevation sickness)

3 pairs of shorty socks, 1 pair of boxers, 1 swimsuit, 1 pair regular “Street shorts”, 2 pairs of bike shorts, 3 quick-dry athletic shirts, 1 pair Lulemon quick-dry pants

MacBook Air 11”, with charger - the traveler’s best friend

Seat cable lock - I haven’t been using this, although I really should.  

Small 9-in-1 bike tool

Very small travel knife

Tire tools, chain tool, spare tubes, frame pump

Eyeglasses, sunglasses

Lululemon backpack

Full set of ACA maps

iPhone w/charger

Wallet, keys

If I think of anything else I’ll edit.

Day 9 - Coos Bay, OR (84.6 miles)

Can I just talk for a brief minute about how much I love my laptop?  I’ve started covering it with stickers.  It’s been with me for about 4 years now, which is longer than all but one of my relationships, and it’s basically the perfect companion.  (OK, I’m done.)

Oh, and R.I.P. USMNT.  Please tell me again about how people in the US don't love soccer.  I stopped in Port Orford, OR today, and the bar was full of folks watching the game.  This gruff old Oregon guy saw me coming on the door and told the bartender "quick, switch it to Three's Company reruns."  Har har, Oregon guy.

Coos Bay!  Home of….nothing?  I asked somebody local what made Coos Bay special and they said “Well, it’s a depressed logging town.”  Awkward silence.

On a positive note, keeping up with my job is going well.  Actually, everything is going surprisingly, amazingly well.  All of my technology is working, my clothing choices have been successful.  I haven’t even had a goddamn flat tire.  WHAT IS GOING ON???

So, continuing on the trend of “how to make my life better”, two things have become clear to me on this trip:  first, no matter what the Buddhists might say, some people are just awesome, and some people are just not awesome.  Some people are kind, gentle, nice, compassionate, and patient, and other people are just not any of those things.  And more than anything else, my happiness and my mood seem to track with the people I meet and the interactions I have with those people (I mean, I think that’s true for everybody, but I seem particularly sensitive to it).  Over the last few days, I stopped at 3 different bike shops.  One was OK, one was really lousy, and one was amazingly good.  And, although I’m sure there are at time exceptions to this rule, the better the shop, the nicer the people working there.  The bike tech in North Bend at Moe’s Bike Shop - Alan - was friendly, kind, generous.  He showed me his GoPro shots from the beach, introduced me to his son.  I had an expensive repair recommended to me by the crappy shop and fortunately chose not to do it, and he told me I didn’t need that at all and in fact it would have been counterproductive.  But the best part is that he just radiated a gentle kindness and patience.  Contrast that with Escape Hatch in Brookings, OR, where the kid working the front desk was so incredibly rude I wanted to just punch him right in the mouth.  He told me (the customer!) I was disrespectful and dared me to write a Yelp review (his literal words were, “Go ahead and write a review.  I don’t care”.  Well, congratulations, kid, you got your wish).

But here’s the interesting thing: I don’t know how I could have predicted this.  There was nothing about either shop, or person, to make me think, before I met them, that one would be nice, and helpful, and the other would be crap.

So, a couple of polls.  Please post your answer(s) below in the comments, or leave them on Facebook.  I’m really genuinely curious what people think.

Question: What’s the best approach to filling your life with quality people?

Answers:

A.)  You can’t control the way people will act or treat you, so the key is to just cultivate an equanimous attitude so that the bad eggs don’t bother you.  Let that kid at the shop be nasty; it’s his problem.

B.)  It’s appropriate to put in a reasonable quantity of time trying to arrange your life so that you only meet quality people, and then, if the good outnumber the bad, you just have to remember that life isn’t perfect.  So you batted 2 for 3; that isn’t so bad.

C.)  Mean people suck.  Avoid at all costs.  If people are going to be like that, the less time you waste on them, the better.  Walk out of that shop immediately and get your bike fixed someplace else.

On a related note, I have noticed that people - with some exceptions - have been generally super awesome to me on this trip.  Because I’m considering whether San Francisco is really the right spot for me long-term, I’m curious what people think about that phenomenon.  So question two: Why does it seem like people are nicer to me on the road than they are in San Francisco?

Answers:

A.)  This is more about you; you have a more positive attitude on this trip, and people are just responding to that.  This has nothing to do with San Francisco.

B.)  People in San Francisco are just as “nice”, you just have to redefine “nice” a little bit.  It’s more about setting appropriate expectations.

C.)  There is something genuinely more “pleasant” about people in rural settings.  They tend to just be a bit more patient, especially at first.  It’s probably the lack of stress.

D.)  Man, you are so right.  San Francisco people are uptight, self-centered, and full of themselves.

E.)  None of the above. (Post below)

Happy day before day before Fourth of July!

Day 8 - Gold Beach, OR (61.9 miles)

I can not blog about today without blogging about Tommy and his family.  I met Tommy at the Hunter Creek Bar & Grill in Gold Beach, OR.  (First of all: Oregon!  Oregon!  If you’d told me the first time I would come this far north it would be on a bike I would have told you you were crazy - and not just normal crazy, the special kind of crazy.  Every time I look at those 101 North signs that say Eureka I thought to myself “when am I going to get up there?  A: now.”).  I had reservations for the Tutrtle Creek RV Resort (“Resort”) and was biking down a tiny country road in the dark, looking for something to eat.  I thought I’d missed the grill, and was kind of sad about going to bed cold and hungry - and then, out of the mists: the Bar!  And they had salads!  And a really awesome bartender!  Anyway, I took a seat at the bar, and down the bar a bit was a middle aged man and his (pretty elderly but still spry) mother.  He struck up a conversation with me about my ride, and next thing you know, instead of a cold, sad RV park, I’m staying in his beautiful house, with his son, mother, and a beautiful golden retriever named Wilson, fresh sheets on the bed.  He even made me breakfast.

Now, this is just not behavior that I’m used to.  I’m sure you country bumpkins will tell me all about rural hospitality, but in San Francisco, you do not invite random people from a bar into your house unless they are of the appropriate gender and you are planning on sleeping in the same bed together.

I will never forget Tommy.  He was interesting, inspiring, and incredibly nice.  And he had an awesome dog.  We chatted about marathons - he qualified for the Boston and was encouraging me to reopen my dream and try to qualify (maybe I will, Tommy).  He didn’t need to help me, he could have just gone home.  Nobody would have thought less of him.  His wife was out of town on a trip; it turns out his family is really quite wealthy and his brothers are all doctors; one of them runs a famous cancer clinic in Lubbock, TX.  And the dog - did I mention the dog?  What a beautiful, beautiful dog.

Anyway.  So, in one night I: rekindled my dream of qualifying for Boston, jumpstarted my drive to own a Golden Retriever, and restored my faith in humanity.  Not bad for one day.

On an editorial note, I've made a decision to fall off of the plan - consciously - and stay in Oregon for the Oregon Country Fair.  Everyone on my trip has told me what an amazing experience it is, and I'm coming so close to it, I can't bear not to stop.  So I'll be stopping off in Bend for a few days and then heading to the fair in Veneta, before continuing back on East!

Wilson is a good dog

Day 7 - Crescent City, CA (49.4 miles)

The last thing my yoga guru said to me, before he passed away, was “Chill the Fuck Out”. 

OK,OK, so he didn’t pass away, I just went out of town. 

And he isn’t really my guru (they prefer the word “mentor” now).  But he *did* tell me to CTFO, which was excellent advice.  He noticed - and, honestly, this does not take an incredibly perceptive person - that I tend towards being a bit anxious or high strung - at least the San Francisco version of me does - and I was asking him a bunch of questions about yoga and food for the trip.  You would think he would be all about the healthy eating and yoga and stuff, but his advice was just to do my thing; to ignore all that crap and just immerse myself in whatever comes.

Part of my anxiety is this feeling, this sense that I need to be doing things the best possible way, the right way, that I have to be perfect or else.  It’s kind of honestly a fear of death - this idea that we only get one shot, and OH MY GOD WHAT IF WE SCREW IT UP.  I was wondering when that particular voice would rear its ugly head.  For the first few days, I was so impressed with myself that I had left on this trip at all that that fact kept the voice at bay.  Which was nice.  But, eventually, it crept back again.  First it was the way I was spending my nights.  I brought this tent, thinking I would camp.  But every night I got to the place I was going and I just didn’t want to camp.  I didn’t want to be outside, I didn’t want to be cold, I just…didn’t want to camp.  So, I didn’t.  I also had told myself that I would do this warmshowers/couchsurfing thing.  And I did try, one night, but it didn’t work out.  So there I would find myself, in some random place, and out comes the credit card.  Last night, I had gone as far as to make a reservation at an RV park outside of town (Crescent City).  But…here I am, in the Front St. Inn, having taken about a 10 minute hot shower. 

Next, it was the way I was eating.  Tonight I ate at McDonalds for the second time on the trip.  Why?  Well, they have free and reliable WiFi, they’re cheap, they have big windows so I can keep an eye on my bike, they stay open late…and I’m hungry.  So…I hate myself.

The irony is thick.  Here I am, biking hundreds of miles across the country, and instead of being proud of myself, I’m upset because I’m *not biking incredibly long distances well enough*.  I can already see a conversation unfolding with some hipster acquaintance back in SF: “You biked through the California Coast and *stayed at motels*?  What kind of corporate shill nature-hating monster are you?  And you ate at *McDonalds*??!?!?  Gaaaack cough cough spit hack hack” -falls over dead from sheer angst-. 

Sigh.

So, yeah.  What is it about that?  I mean, here’s the thing: I *do* want to eat healthy.  I *do* want to camp.  I’m not saying that those are bad ideas.  And that voice - the voice that keeps me moving forward, and improving - I like certain aspects of that voice.  But clearly things are tuned a bit wrong in the ol’ Adam noggin.  And here’s the really interesting thing - in its current incarnation, that voice is *actually counterproductive*.  What I’ve noticed - duh - is that I do these things, like eat at McDs, out of anxiety.   They are an anxiety response, pure and simple.  And the biggest source of anxiety is the voice in my head telling me not to eat at McDs!!  That is what we call a “negative feedback loop”.  And breaking that cycle is, arguably, the most important thing I could do with this trip, and with my life.

On a more interesting note, today I went on a jet boat tour of the Klamath river.  It was incredibly gorgeous, and gave me an opportunity to kind of veg out for a few hours.  I struck up a nice conversation with the couple next to me who lived in Baltimore, which reminded me of the importance of perspective - I hated Baltimore, they love it - but that's because we experience different Baltimores.  They are older and live in a nice suburb of the city, I was a student living in the ghetto.  Anyway, one cool thing about the Klamath is that they have a pretty sizable population of bald eagles, and we got to see a number of them in full on flight.  It was pretty awesome.  Also, the boat - which is like a jet ski on steroids - can do full drifts into 360 degrees, which, you know, is pretty fun.  :)

Day 6 - Outside of Orick, CA (32.5)

Nothing happened yesterday.

Ha, ha. OK, that’s not true.  Yesterday was relatively uneventful, but a few things did happen that made for interesting stories.  The first is that I stayed last night in an RV park - in fact, in an actual RV - for the first time in my life.  That story is a bit of a follow up to yesterday’s story.  I got off to a late start, and was running late.  I had called ahead to a motel I found online right by the highway that the reviews said was a bit sketchy but super cheap, and they had rooms for $35.  I was passing an RV park called Elk Country and it caught my eye, I think because my ex was from a small town whose mascot was the Elks.  I pulled in next to two middle aged folks who clearly were running the place.  I walked in and bought some (amazingly good) blackberry pie and a coke, and struck up a conversation with them.  Over the course of that conversation I told them I was headed for the Green Valley Motel.  The man stopped and looked at me.  I said, “what do you think of the Green Valley?”.  He paused - as rural folks do - and said, carefully, “You should stay at the Palms up the road.”  He then told me to tell Martha that Dwayne had sent me and that they should match the Green Valley rate.  He had this look in his eyes that said “Son, you are going to get murdered if you stay at the Green Valley.”  I sighed and sat on his couch and said “well, it’s just that it’s so close.”  He looked at the woman, and, long story short, I stayed in their own trailer for $35 that night.  And the lesson is: sometimes people can help you out!  Now, I know that those of you who are natural extroverts and sales folks are shaking your head and saying “Well, duh”, but you have to understand that this is quite a revelation for me!  Living in a city, and being who I am, I just don’t expect people to be helpful.  But not only did I get to sleep in this trailer, I got to eat homemade banana jam and peanut butter sandwiches, which was basically amazing. And the next day, about 8 miles up the road, I did ride by the Green Valley Motel.  Murder-y?  I’ll let you be the judge….

Another cool thing about staying at the RV park was that I got to meet the guy who was camping next to me in a pull trailer.  His name was Drew, and he was really nice - if socially awkward.  It was obvious to me he was even lonelier than I was feeling, so we struck up a conversation.  He was driving from Las Vegas through to near Seattle, where he had family.  He gave me some interesting advice about state parks, etc.  After talking for a bit, he told me that he was getting married in a couple of months.  I remember the way he put it was “I can’t get out of it now”.  :)  The next morning I saw him and he said he’d had a nightmare the night before where he was being chased.  (I avoided the obvious psychoanalysis - too much projection.  :)  Besides the obvious benefits of getting to know a new person, I also ended up getting 50 cents from him to dry my clothes, plus two tiny pots of jam (straight from room service at the Bellagio, no less!)  Seriously: again, I know you extroverts and such are saying “Of *course* people are helpful!  What kind of screwed up world do you live in where you think otherwise?”  Well, the answer is: being mildly introverted, having two engineer parents, living in San Francisco, dating online, having (past) roommates from Craigslist that you don’t even like, etc., etc.  And yes, it is a screwed up, sad little world - which is why I left it to ride 4500 miles on a bicycle and figure out what I’m doing wrong!

I want to blog briefly about another experience I had as well yesterday which brought something into focus.  I was biking around in Trinidad, CA, along a very small and rural road that ran along the coast.  It was a beautiful sunny day, and although I was tired, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the scenery was, overlooking the water.  As I turned the corner - and remember, I am literally in the middle of nowhere - all of a sudden there were signs for a casino.  A casino?  I was a bit hungry, so I decided I had to see this - and so a minute later, I was walking inside the Cher-Ae tribal casino, standing in the snack stand.  Now, we’ve all been to this snack stand.  It had linoleum flooring, fluorescent lighting, and chicken strips.  The coke was free.  It was surreal.  Right outside - literally a few hundred feet away - there was incredibly natural beauty and splendor.  And here I was - here we all were, because the place was busy - in this snack stand.  And in that moment, I realized something: we all make a choice about how we spend our time.  Now, it would be easy to be elitist, and I’m going to avoid that trap.  I understand that many of the people in there are seniors, and riding a bike along the coast is just not in the cards for them.  But there was just something - *empty* - about that place, and the juxtaposition of it with what I was doing - what I had, 5 minutes prior, just been doing - was so stark.  And I looked at the TV - Entertainment Tonight - and I looked at the people - eyes dead, waiting for a new round of Keno to start - and I just…had a moment.  I just hoped, with all my heart, that those people were happy, and that if they really were, fine, but if they weren’t, that they had the guts - no matter how young, or old they may be, and no matter how they may feel about the choices available to them - and they make at least a start, to go outside and take a walk, and see the water, and feel the sun on their face, and just - *live* a little.  I don’t want them to change to suit my vision of what a person should be - I just want to make sure that these things - this seemingly hollow pursuit of a shallow version of happiness - is really working for them.  I hope that doesn’t come across as bullshit.  I realized another thing, too - to me, Vegas is a fun place.  When I think about Vegas, my Vegas is Cirque du Soleil shows, and great restaurants, the pinball hall of fame, and bachelor parties, and cigars at midnight.  But when I talk to people in SF about Vegas, they universally recoil in disgust.  And now I understand why.  The whole “casino thing” - good as it has been for the Indian tribes - is empty, and the part of it that relies on gambling, on this false pursuit of a fake reward, is spiritually bankrupt.  And so now I understand why people hate Vegas.

Day 5 - Arcata, CA (86.5)

I was wondering when my brain would start to get a little bit philosophical - and the answer was yesterday.  Perhaps it’s because the biking was a bit easier - I did 85+ miles, but most of it was fairly flat (although the award for most annoying hill goes to Grizzly Gulch road in Ferndale - unnecessary, folks).  When I started this trip and this blog, I had a couple of decisions to make.  I could have made the blog just a “travelogue”, a sort of recap of what I was up to, sanitized for the masses, so to speak.  I decided that I really didn’t want to do that.  Maybe it’s the fact that this trip is about searching, maybe it’s my age - but I care a lot less about what people think of me than I used to.

So, today is going to be a little bit out there.  A lot of interesting and random stuff happened to me yesterday, and I’d like to tell you about a lot of it, but I just can’t make my brain go in that direction right now.  I will tell one story, to sate those who want a good yarn.  I was pulling through Eureka, using the ACA map, which took a really odd and random route through a quiet Eureka neighborhood.  At one point I biked past a house that was street number 404.  The 404 was done a little oddly, and it really caught my eye, because it looked a bit like a “Page not found” error message from a web browser.  I thought the juxtaposition of those thing was hilarious - here I am in this country hick neighborhood with this crazy tech symbol right in front of me.  I think part of me was like “lol Eureka lol the sticks lol these people don’t even know what a web browser is lol”.  So I pulled over to take a picture.  But as I was pulling out my phone, a Jetta pulled up in front of the house, and a guy - late 20 something, skinny, dressed in mostly black - who would have looked at home in any number of SF tech startups or coffee shops, got out and went into the house.  He gave me a bit of a funny look.  I…put my phone, sheepishly, back in the holder and biked away.

Anyway.  WARNING: the rest of this blog entry is going to get really personal and maybe a little bit weird.  It won’t really have anything to do with my trip, no more details about Arcata (which is a nice little place) or whether I’m safe (I am) or how progress is coming (OK, if a bit behind schedule).  Today is going to get a bit philosophical, a bit TMI, and reading it may change how you look at me.  If you are, say, my parents, and you don’t want to read things which, well, you don’t want to read, now would be a good time to stop reading.

Really, seriously.  If you’re just here for the funny stories, you might stop reading.  I saw this really great video the other day about social media and it made me think.  It was basically about how shallow social media is, and how we sanitize our own lives to present them to everyone, because we have no commitment to each other.  And it’s true - in general, as soon as you read something that smacks of being *real* - maybe a bit intense, you run the other way.  So this might get a bit intense.

Still here?

OK - Sex.

There - did I get your attention?  Let me back up a few steps.  A big part of this trip, no question about it, is the fact that I’m getting older.  I know, I know, I’m only 37, I have plenty of life left to live, etc., etc.  All of which is true.  But the point is that it’s time - past time - for me to figure out what *I* want to do with my life.  Not my parents, my guidance counselor, my ex-wife, my friends.  Me.  The (relative) ease with which I planned and put together this trip has really made me start to think - in a good way - about how I really can do whatever I want in life!  

And what I want is: Sex.  I want to have sex.  With women.  (Me being from San Francisco, I suppose that needs clarifying).

I have had sex - depending on how you count - about 2-3 times in the last 2 years, since my last really serious relationship.  And that is…sad.  Let that soak in for a second.  That would be sad for a “normal” person with an average sex drive.  I have a high sex drive.  I could easily enjoy having sex 2-3 times *per day*.

Now, before everybody gets all excited, I am not talking about “sex” with a lower case “s”.  I’m talking about Sex, Sensuality, Physicality.  Certainly actual intercourse is a big part of that - what Alex from Clockwork Orange might call “the old in and out”.  But I mean the whole thing - massage, foreplay, tenderness, kissing in public, tight hugs, loose hugs, holding hands, late night phone calls, smoky glances, and yes, out and out sex - inventive, thoughtful, compassionate sex.  I am not interested in just having sex for its own sake, devoid of humanity.  No hookers.  And yes, I would love to have a committed relationship.  I could be very happy having sex with one woman, maybe even the rest of my life.  But it would have to be good sex, really good sex.  And right now, I’m having no sex at all.

I’ve thought a lot about why that is (obviously), and what I’ve realized is that - like many primal, fundamental things in life - sex is complicated, and the tendrils of sex reach into every aspect of my life.  I used to think it was a simple problem - perhaps I need to lose some weight and get in better shape (I probably do, a little bit), maybe I need to get better at online dating, or stop online dating, or pick up hobbies that women enjoy, or get one of those hairline surgeries, or smile more, etc., etc.  But what I think I’m finally realizing is that it’s all of those things at the same time, and much more.  I don’t have sex because I do not meet women who I want to seduce and then successfully seduce them, and the reasons for that are myriad and many.

Yesterday, I had an interesting encounter.  I was biking up through the coast, on my way north from Garberville, headed to Eureka.  I stopped at a little market, and outside was a couple, maybe mid twenties.  I asked them to watch my bike while I got a coke, and when I came out I sat on a log and started chatting with them.  Now, this in and of itself is a remarkable thing.  I have a really hard time just striking up a conversation with strangers.  I do it, I push myself into it, but it’s hard for me.  I always assume people won’t like me.  I’m not sure why that is.  I’ve thought maybe I should smile more, maybe it’s that I’m a guy, maybe it’s that I have a chip on my shoulder.  Maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.  But, whatever, I did it, and they turned out to be nice people.  While I was chatting they said they were from Eureka - so I thought “score!  maybe they can help me”.  I told them I was looking for somewhere to stay that night in Eureka.  Sure enough, the guy, Peter, pulled out his phone, and called his neighbor, who he said “was a cool guy with chicks around all the time”.  Peter, by the way, was really nice, tatted up, seriously built, definitely some kind of surfer.  I heard his end of the conversation, and his buddy said he was with a client, but could probably help.  I thanked Peter profusely, gave him my phone number, asked him to text or call me, shook his hand, told him I needed to get going if i was going to make it to Eureka by dark, and pulled out.

I never heard from Peter.

Now, this kind of thing happens to me all the time, and usually what happens - in my head, or even out loud - is that I get really depressed and more than a bit angry about it.  I usually throw a pity party; why don’t people like me?  Why does this always happen to me?  Why aren’t people honest and straightforward anymore?  Etc., etc.  But this time - probably because of the mental space of being on the bike - I took a deep breath and thought about my role in the whole conversation.  And, suddenly, like a light bulb, I saw a million things I could have done differently.  I could have asked Peter more questions about himself, or his girlfriend.  I don’t even remember her name, and I never found out what he did for a living.  My handshake was limp - partly because I was wearing my bike gloves, and partly because he had a cut on his finger that I was afraid of.  I asked him about the cut, and he said he got it installing sprinklers, but I never followed up with another question.  And, looking back on it, I think he was expecting me to wait for his buddy to finish with the client, so he could call him back.  He may have assumed that because I took off so fast, I wasn’t interested anymore.  I was just being logical - he had my contact info, I needed to get going, so there we go.  I approached the encounter like a math or logic problem.  But people aren’t logic problems.  For example, he had my phone number, but I didn’t have his.  I should have gotten it.  Hell, I have business cards with me - why didn’t I just give him one?

So I guess what I”m trying to say is that the reason I don’t have sex is because I don’t know how to work with people.  In some alternate universe, a more savvy Adam is hanging out with Peter’s neighbor, and quite possibly getting laid.  Or at least would have that option, if he wanted it.  

I’m not sure exactly what to do about this.  The problem isn’t that there’s no information out there about this - the problem is that there’s too much.  There’s a whole section of the bookstore about this exact topic.  I have one - “How to Get Your Mojo Back”.  It’s terrible.  It makes no sense.  And there are meet ups, and men’s groups, etc., etc.  But the problem is - and I’ve tried them - those groups are generally for people who really suck at this.  I don’t *really* suck at this.  I know how to hold a conversation.  I know how to make eye contact.  I’m not autistic, I don’t have PTSD.  I have friends, I have had sex with women, even very very attractive women.  I studied leadership training in my MBA.  I would give myself a B- (maybe C+).  I need a tutor who really knows how to up my game.  Not just the sex part, but just across the board - making friends, with both men and women.  And I think that the root of the problem - the core of the issue - is that I need to change my mental outlook on people.  Right now, I have a flowchart in my head:  Are you a woman?  Are you roughly my age?  Are you (reasonably) hot?  Are you single?  Then I am interested in talking to you.  Otherwise, bugger off.  I find people boring - and they can tell.  I don’t mean to, I’m not a bad or mean or evil person, my mind just goes really fast, and I’m often - even in San Francisco - mentally ahead of people.  That sounds like a good thing, but believe me, it’s a curse.  Most people are fairly dull, most of the time.  And that definitely includes me!  I’m sick of myself and my own stories, too.

Somehow, though, I have to really re-discover the joy of *people*.  The fact that they are worth getting to know, worth talking to - even the not-so-hot and not-so-single ones.  I have to really have love - interest, compassion, care - for them and their stories and their issues.  And that can’t be only for the hot ones.  That has to be for everyone.  Not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s the only way I’m going to get laid.  And then, as a second thing, I have to really go for it - have the guts and self-belief to believe that I am worth it - that sex with me will be fun, and it’s something every woman would want, and does want.  Even the taken ones (even if they don’t act on it).  I have to *be interesting and interested*.  *Presume success*.

Merely realizing this is a step in the right direction, but I have to keep it up on this trip.  More later as I start to figure it out.

Day 4 - Garberville, CA (69.6)

Day 4 - Garberville, CA

I feel a lot of philosophical solidarity with the US Men’s National Soccer team today.  Let me back up a step: for those of you who don’t know, this morning was a big moment for the United States in the World Cup.  It was the game(s) that decided whether they moved on to the next stage of the tournament.  Ideally, they would beat Germany or even tie them and be guaranteed to go to the next round.  But they could even lose, as long as they didn’t lose by a lot.  So, they didn’t (lose by a lot) - they lost, by a little.  And everybody was happy.  In soccer, they call this “getting a result”, as in “today the United States got a result against Germany”.

I also got a result today.  I needed to get to Garberville, CA.  And I did.  I’m here.  And I did it entirely on my bicycle.  Much like the United States, it was not pretty, and I will probably never watch the replay.  I have a blister, on my butt, the size of France (is that too much information?).  After swearing I would never ride 101 again, I not only rode it, but in the twilight, racing the dwindling light.  But: I’m here, and that’s what counts.  I’ve always been a “win or go home” kind of guy.  But maybe the right phrase is “get a result or go home”.

A few interesting things from today: for some reason, I got room 121 both yesterday and today.  That amuses me.  And, for those who are asking, yes, I will go camping at some point (otherwise this tent was pretty pointless).  But the KOA was $40/night for a campsite, and the motel was $72, and I’m tired.  (By the way, can someone tell me why it costs $40 to rent an open piece of space?  That’s a serious question.  Is there something I’m missing?)  

Should I have stayed?   (Westport Market in Westport , Ca, pop. 300.  As I stopped in the market, another guy came riding up carrying camping gear .  He said - and I quote - "is this the whole town?")

Time to head East!

Day 3 - Fort Bragg, CA (53.1)

So, if the theme of yesterday was “truth”, the theme of today was “learning”.  In a certain sense, today went kinda badly.  (Plan?  What plan?  R.I.P. the plan).  But that’s OK!  I learned a lot.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Today started out really great; I stopped off in Redwood Valley, CA, and had a pretty awesome small-town experience.  First, I went into the gas station to get a coke.  They had a minimum for credit cards, so I offered to pay an extra fee.  The guy was just, like, “you know what?  This one is on the house.”  Try that in San Francisco.  Then I walked across the street and these two guys were trying to get a small business started selling espressos and breakfast burritos from a cart.  He was telling the lady ahead of me that all the produce was grown locally.  It turned out they were cash only - but the guy said “you know what, coffee is on the house today.”  I was like, what parallel universe is this?  But I said I wanted a burrito; so I went and got cash from the ATM and went back and paid for my soda and then bought what turned out to be the most delicious organic home-grown breakfast burrito I have ever put in my mouth.  Seriously, it was amazing, and I hadn’t even been out biking yet so it isn’t just because I was hungry.

Then….the day got weird.  I knew I was in trouble when Google Maps biking directions said to get on 101 North for 74 miles.  But I decided to tough it out.  Bad plan.  If anybody ever says they’re going to bike north of Ukiah towards Garberville, please discourage them.  I was pretty sure I was going to die, so I got off the highway in the middle of nowhere.  Now Google Maps said “hey!  here’s a convenient route to the next town”.  Next thing I know, I’m climbing over barbed wire fences with my bike and I ended up in the middle of a road construction site.  Thanks, Google Maps!  The lady came out of the foreman’s office and was surprisingly nonplussed (does she see a cyclist every day?).  I redundantly explained that I was lost and needed to get at least to Willits without getting back on 101.  She shook her head and said “not gonna happen”.  So…6 miles and 7 or 8 near misses later, I pulled - shaking - into Willits.  Never, ever again.

My plan that morning was to get to Garberville, but I realized, looking at the map, that just wasn’t going to happen.  I had 60 miles of 101 North left in front of me that way, and it was already 1:30.  So I made a momentous decision and bailed.  I got on Highway 20 - even though it’s totally the wrong way - and headed to Fort Bragg, which has the dual virtues of being on Highway 1 instead of 101, and being part of the ACA maps that I’m carrying.  Oh, and did I mention that this all happened after climbing to 2000 feet? 

So Highway 20 turned out to be gorgeous, but hilly.  I climbed about 3000 total feet.  Then, just when I was completely exhausted, and approaching the coast - it started raining.  Then my phone died, and I couldn’t find my hotel.  Then my backup battery died.

But here I am!  Dry, warm, and full of chinese food.  So: what have we learned?

I learned that those crazy folks at the ACA (the people that made my maps) know what they’re doing, and now that I’ve picked up their trail, I am absolutely not letting go.  I do not want to crawl over any more barbed wire fences.

I learned that Google Maps really, really sucks at biking directions.

I learned that keeping my phone charged is going to be priority #1.  I may have to quit using Strava just to make sure I can last the day.

I learned that something is wrong with the backup battery that goes with my solar panel.  The panel itself seems OK, but the battery is busted.

I learned that my gear can handle a light rain for 10 or so miles, but I may be in trouble in serious rain.

I learned that chivalry is not dead in small towns.

I learned that making a breakfast burrito from local produce makes it incredibly, incredibly delicious.

I learned that adding 3000 feet of climb to a day of biking makes it much, much harder and slower.

I re-learned that when I get really tired I get sloppy (I knew this already).  I dropped my bike on my leg and have three nice cuts to show for it.

I learned that the best way to make a crappy motel feel like the Taj Mahal is to ride on a bicycle three straight days.

I learned that I can leave home, get lost, almost die, make a new plan on the fly, ride 50+ miles with 3000 feet change in elevation in the rain, get lost again, and still make it.  I don’t *want* to, but in a pinch, I can.

I learned that Fort Bragg is cold and foggy.  And folks on Yelp down here have different standards for a quality chinese buffet than I do.

I learned that you can stand outside a McDonald’s and still use their wifi, but it will really suck and take about 8-10 minutes to load Google Maps.

I learned that I just really, really love Diet Coke.  So, forget quitting.  Give me the big gulp.  I don’t care if it kills me.

One more thing - David and I had a really interesting conversation on the nature of anxiety yesterday.  He’s in this awkward position where something really momentous and life-changing (in a bad way) *might* (probably will) happen in about a week and a half.  He basically just has to wait, and there’s nothing he can do about it.  And it’s killing him.  Just like it would me.  There isn’t anything I can do to help, except commiserate.  But it was interesting to hear someone else describe what I feel all the time - that sense of helplessness and the anxiety that comes from it.  I can’t help but feel like that’s even worse for men than women - there is still this societal expectation that men should be active, should be able to “do something about it”.   But sometimes there’s just nothing you can do.

No pretty pictures today.  Oh, and tomorrow - GO USA!

Day 2 - Upper Lake, CA (71.8)

All right, sign - I accept your challenge.

Truth - My butt hurts.

Truth - My pack is too heavy, which makes me mad at myself because that’s such a newbie mistake.

Truth - As bad as I didn’t want to cheat so early in the trip, seeing David pull up in his pickup in Calpella felt pretty amazing.

Truth - Even when given healthy choices, I will eat fast food.  It’s just one of those things, I guess.  At least I don’t smoke.

Truth - This trip is 30% athleticism, 40% heroism, and about 30% cowardice.

Truth - That grass isn’t just greener on the other side, it’s like a fucking Southern California groomed golf course.

Truth - Taking a bath in the woods is amazing.  So is cooking bacon in the woods.  Actually, everything in the woods is just better.

Truth - San Francisco isn’t as intellectually superior as it thinks it is.

Truth - It’s really hard not to get dehydrated.

Truth - My fear of social interactions with strangers is not entirely justified.

Truth - People often suck, but on the other hand, if you want to have experiences liking taking a hot bath on a farm while the sun sets, you have to make friends.  You just have to make friends with the right people.

Spoiler alert: I had some exciting adventures today already (and it’s only 1 PM!).  More about that later.

Day 1 - Santa Rosa, CA (67.6)

Well, here I am!  It's still a little hard to believe that I got started.  Of course, only being in Santa Rosa, I haven't really left the comforts of my home territory, so it still feels a bit unreal.  I biked past my parents' old house, and I stayed last night with a friend.  But there was a moment - out past Spirit Rock - where I got a taste of what I'm about to experience.  After about 50 miles, I sat my bike down in the grass, and stared up at the sky, and thought.  I don't even know exactly what I thought, but I looked up at the next hill, got back on my bike, and here I am.

It was really nice to see Kate.  She's doing well, and was just in a show where she got to play an awesome bit part.  We spent the evening eating at a mexican restaurant that we'd both been on dates to (with different people!) and then we watched old I Love Lucy reruns.  I learned some cool things, like that Lucy was filmed live in front of a studio audience.  She said something interesting about me - she hasn't seen me in a long while, maybe a year - that I was a lot easier and more honest to talk to.  I don't know if that's because we're not dating now, or if it's the yoga, or being on this trip - or all 3 - but I take it as a sign that, whatever I'm doing, I'm moving my life in the right direction.

Greetings from Santa Rosa!

By the way, this is the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

Off I go!

I don't mind admitting that, in addition to being excited, I'm also more than a little terrified.  But I couldn't have picked better weather for it, and so away I go!

Day 0 - San Francisco, CA

As I sit here, at Squat and Gobble, contemplating my departure tomorrow, the number one thing that I feel is tired!  That may not sound terribly heroic.  Perhaps it’s not the word you were expecting.  But, at 37 years old, one thing I’ve learned is that life doesn’t always work out exactly the way it does in the movies.  I’m definitely happy to be leaving.  In a weird way I feel energized.  But yes, definitely tired.  Physically tired, maybe a bit existentially tired (although not as much as I was expecting).  My goal in this blog is going to be - despite the fact that it’s for public consumption - to be as honest as can be.  Both because I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not, and because I honestly think I do my best writing when I’m just balls-to-the-wall honest.  So, yes, I’m tired.  Today alone I made at least 2 easy mistakes, things I know I would have gotten right if I was sharp and on top of things.  I walked into yoga training today and one of my best friends said “you look awfully tired for someone who’s about to start a trip across the country”.  But here’s the interesting thing about me - I don’t get tired by athletic activity.  On the contrary, I think the athletic part of this journey I’m about to start is the easiest part.  In fact I think all this aerobic activity is going to actually give me a lot of energy.  What drains me is dealing with people, dealing with anxiety, dealing with the city.  Choice, conflict, the little ins and outs of being social - those tire me out.  Riding a bike is easy compared to going on a date, no question about it.  The road is so linear and open, and the task is so clearly defined.  Here I am, here is the road - go that way.  Pedal.  Pedal slower, pedal faster, go uphill, go downhill - but always forward.  Being there is better than being here.  The decisions have been made, the die is cast - just go, and go, and be glad.  Open the heart and let the wind inside.  Nothing could be more simple, or more pleasant.  I don’t know what’s going to happen.  For all I know, this is my last day ever in San Francisco (although I doubt it, honestly).  But I do know where I’m headed.  I have a map, and a bike, and a trip to take.

So, yes, I’m tired.  I’m excited, but I’m tired.  Like a film shot in reverse, I think this trip will recharge my batteries, not drain them.  Santa Rosa, here I come!  I’ve made a bit of a decision that, even though I”m not entirely ready, I”m going to head to sleep early, since I”m so tired, and sleep in a bit in the morning.  I have to - believe it or not - hit up the DMV as my last San Francisco errand in the morning - ugh!  But then I’m on my way.  I’m really excited about seeing my friend Kate tomorrow - she’ll be my first unofficial mascot.

Paper Maps

Can you imagine??!?!

Yes! It's true, I'm biking across the country

"I'm just tryna get my life right
Cause I gotta be the boss
Gotta get it no matter what the cost" 
--Krizz Kaliko, Getcha Life Right

The rumors are all true -- I'm riding my bike across the country.  I've dreamed of doing this for quite a long time, and right now is the right time for me.  Although I love many things about my life in San Francisco, the journey of self-discovery I started a year or two ago with yoga is not over yet, and the next stage of that journey involves some alone time.  But never fear!  I will return.  And, in the meantime, you can track my progress here and on my Map (link above under Bike Trip).  Feel free to email me or Facebook me with the links above.

When: Leaving June 23.  Goal is to arrive August 29.

Where: San Francisco, CA via Bend, OR to Walt Disney World, FL, or possibly St. Augustine, FL - it's going to be a game time decision whether I want to hug Mickey or take a dunk in the Atlantic!  That's roughly 4500 miles. (give or take!)

I'd like to say thanks to a few people, most notably Ryan Shillington and Versata for giving me a job I can do on the road, Rebecca Chakrin for being the first person I told who didn't try to talk me out of it, Katie Kotiza for being understanding, Jessica McElroy for inspiring me with her own ride (bikingacrossthe.us), the good folks at Apportable for giving me some place to hang out in the meantime, Kate Mintun for putting me up the first night of the trip when I will likely be going crazy, Jason Bowman, my yoga mentor, for the very wise advice to just chill out and take what comes, Cari Leymon, David McEnulty, etc., etc.  People have been very supportive and that means a lot to me.

Passport to Prana Stamp #7

Passport Stamp #7: OMPower, 5:15 OMyoga, Shirley.  OMPower is an urban studio which is attempting to brand its blend of spin classes, TRX-style workouts and yoga as "OM".  The studio itself looks and feels more like a crossfit studio; pleasant and professional but more functional and urban than spiritual.  There is a room full of spin bikes that they use to teach OMcycle classes (I think you get the idea here).  OMyoga is their "gentle" yoga class.  Honestly the class just felt like a Level 1 Vinyasa class to me.  I was prepared for some pretty hardcore yoga a la Planet Granite, but it was basically just a beginner class.  Shirley was pleasant enough and the class was fine but it was obvious that she didn't have a ton of teaching experience.  There was no adjusting and we repeated a lot of moves for no particularly clear reason.  But the studio is clean and comfortable, everyone was very nice, the changing rooms are very modern, and if you happen to be nearby - or if the combination of a studio where you can do both spin and yoga appeals to you - then maybe it's worth giving it a try.  If I do go back, it will be for one of their cycling offerings.

Running and Yoga - now at 7! And on Saturday!

good news runners!  Based on popular feedback :), running and yoga (Roga? Runga?) is now at 7 am for 60 minutes.  Also, I'm test running a Saturday version - same time, same place - Bend SF (www.bendsf.com).  As always, 30 minutes of running and 30 minutes of yoga, focused on core and lower body stretching.  

Click here for more info or to sign up!

Passport to Prana Stamp #6

Passport Stamp #6: Iyengar Yoga Institute, 5:00 Level 1, Sachiko.  The Iyengar Institute is one of the grandaddies of yoga - in the entire United States, if not San Francisco - so I was excited to finally visit.  First tip: the Institute has recently moved, and some maps (-ahem- Apple) have the wrong address; the institute is at 2201 Sutter St.  The facility is exceptionally nice and clean and modern.  As befits an Iyengar studio, there is a plethora of high-quality props, including some you might not expect such as wall ropes.  I went with my good friend Alesia.  The class was small - 4 of us.  Iyengar classes are relentlessly alignment focused; don't expect to break a sweat, but do expect to be humbled.  I definitely enjoyed my experience and am looking forward to going back.  Two quibbles: one, there are two studios and they're separated by only a thin wall.  There was another class going on at the same time as ours in the other studio and I could clearly hear the other teacher and class, which was distracting.  Also, Sachiko was very nice and knowledgeable, but had difficulty with english, and specifically with speaking precisely - she would swap shoulder for elbow, front for back, foot for hand, left for right, even up for down.  This is a problem for a class which is all about precision and clear instruction.  But overall it was an excellent experience and I can't wait to go back!

Passport to Prana Stamp #5

Passport Stamp #5: Corepower Yoga Berkeley, 4:45 Yoga Sculpt, Ruby.  Some of you may be familiar with Corepower, it's a big franchise nationwide, although less so in the Bay area.  The class I attended was, as it turns out, one of the most intense they offer.  You remember in Spinal Tap how the amps went up to 11?  Yeah, like that.  Ruby was very pleasant but definitely intense and demanding.  Imagine Yoga with about 50% less spirituality, 50% more intensity and a dash of weightlifting (you do many of the moves l.  The room was obviously a mixed-use studio; there were spin bikes pushed against the far wall.  Although I consider myself to be in fair-to-good shape, the class was beyond my ability level and I had to basically just sit down to avoid passing out at a few spots.  Which is not to say it was a bad class - actually I look forward to going back.  But it's definitely a "gym vibe" and it was a very challenging class.  The studio itself was professional, clean and obviously well-run, and they offer a free first week for new students!

Passport to Prana Stamp #4

Passport Stamp #4: Laughing Lotus Yoga Center, 4:00 Lotus Flow 2/3, Brima Jah.  Laughing Lotus is a mid-size, professionally run studio.  There was a nice selection of retail for sale, and there was free tea and cookies!  The class was very interesting - it was quite slow and more on the philosophical side.  Which isn't to say it was easy - it was quite demanding, just more in a flexibility-increasing way than a Mark Morford/Rusty Wells way.  The vibe of laughing lotus is definitely more relaxed and spiritual, as you can see from the decor.  If you enjoy getting deep inside your practice but still want to push yourself, I think Laughing Lotus would be a great choice.  Although I prefer the more uptempo style in general, I'll definitely be back once in a while to re-center myself.

Passport to Prana Stamp #3

Passport Stamp #3: Yoga Flow SF Union (formerly Aha Yoga), 3:00 All Levels Flow, Susannah. Very well-taught class. Medium size studio, some retail (women only of course). Two rooms; I took class in the large room which is good size; the small room is awfully small. Only 4 students (but it was 3:00). Fairly intense pace, intense poses. Susannah knows what she's doing. Nice bay windows overlooking Union. One quibble: next class started immediately after our Sivasana; very abrupt ending. Overall definitely a place I would come back to.