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2022 - Getting Back on the Blog Horse

One of my goals for 2022 is to start back in on the blog. I’ve created a little hidey-hole writing desk inside my new house that’s set up just for blogging. I’m sitting there right now, listening to 80s music coming in over my Google device while I stare at a drawing of myself that a friend made. It’s still a bit surreal - OK, more than a bit - to consider that I’m sitting inside my own house, in the Bay Area. Much like many things about the last few years, it has an aura of unreality about it, as if it’s all a bad dream and I’m going to wake up. The house is, of course, a positive thing, borne of long sacrifice and choices that past me made. And I’m grateful for it; but still, it’s come with a lot of stress and trauma and it’s hard, as I sit here, not to feel the weight of that.

Last week, I got COVID. I still feel a bit sniffly. It was a pretty unpleasant experience, the opposite of owning a new house, and yet, with the characteristic poetry the human mind is so known for, they have the same…smell. There is something compatible about COVID and my new house and perhaps it will fall to the next few days to shed some light on that conundrum. For now, I’m going to leave you with a picture of the little area of my house where I will be typing.

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2022 - Buying a House

I find that I enjoy communicating with the world at large through my blog, especially if I don’t think about it too hard. I am really looking forward to 2022, I think a lot of great things are coming my way. And the first one happened today; I closed on my first ever house. I owned a house a long time ago in the distant past when I was married, and I have owned this condo for a year and a half, but this is the first time ever owning a real house all by my lonesome. I got to FaceTime my parents and show them the whole thing. The house isn’t really anything special but it’s my house, and it’s in the bay area. I feel very grateful and lucky to even get to do this at all. Perhaps in the next post I’ll share the experiences I had looking for the house, such as the leaky house listed at $849,000 that I put an offer on which ended up selling for $1.3 million. But for the moment, I’ll just content myself with leaving this here. More to come.

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2021 - Vancouver Adventure with Kaska - Vancouver, BC

I spent the last 48 hours in Vancouver! Yay! Let that sink in for a moment. Pre-COVID, that might not have seemed like a big deal. If you were a time traveller from 2018, you might think “well, duh, of course you did!”. But here in 2021 we know that isn’t quite so simple.

First things first - for anyone who is scared of travelling this way, like I was, don’t be. Yes, the rules are real and you must follow them. But they aren’t trying to trap you; everyone was accomodating and pleasant and really the process went about as smoothly as it could be. I, personally, was worried about a positive test result trapping me in Canada - just like I was for Scotland - but there is a fun little loophole; if you visit for less than 3 days, you can use the test you took to get into the country to get back out. This means 2 things: one, you don’t have to pay for another test, but more importantly, you can’t get a positive result. Once you know you’re negative enough to get in, you’re negative enough to get out.

Anyway, on to the trip: it was awesome! My friend Kaska from Walnut Creek, who moved back to Vancouver, was an impeccable host. We did exactly what we said we were going to do: biked a lot and drank a bunch of beer. I got to meet several of her Vancouver friends and everyone was awesome and pleasant. Vancouver is very pretty, though the weather didn’t cooperate and it basically rained on and off the whole weekend. We still had an epic ride though, doing about 42 miles - sorry, 70 kilometers - all around Vancouver. She lives near Stanley Park, so we started out with a loop of that, then rode around the UBC Endowment Lands, then up over the Lion’s Gate bridge into North Vancouver, down along the north edge of False Creek, then back across the Second Narrows and home. Then the next morning I got up and - while she went jogging - I did it again (about 24 miles this time) with her friend Graeme. In between there were 4 or 5 brewery stops, a trip to her friend Maria’s for dinner, and pleasant conversation. Everything about the weekend was just really nice. I was exhausted from all my travelling, but the bike rides didn’t push me and I ended up sleeping really well in her apartment. All in all, it was a great trip and I am already planning a return, to go see Squamish and Vancouver Island. And maybe another to go skiing at Whistler.

Oh, and I finally got a Tim Horton’s doughnut. And some amazing Korean food. And a really great ham and egg bagel. Actually all the food was amazing.

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2021 - New Apartment - Bend, OR

The adventure continues! I drove up yesterday - stopping by to say hi to Courtney and Halo in Pacifica - to my new apartment in Bend. No, I am not moving to Bend permanently, but I am attending school there for the semester, the program in Outdoor Leadership that I started five years ago. I’m really tired because I got in very late last night, and this morning had to do the “new apartment runaround”, stopping by Fred Meyer for a shower curtain, soap, toilet paper, etc., etc. The place looks so empty - it’s a metaphor for my new experiences up here that will fill it up!

I already miss the Bay Area and my friends, though. I’m going to go back as often as I reasonably can. Today, I drive to the Portland airport to fly up to Vancouver with my bike and visit Kaska for a ride and a beer. I’ll blog about that soon!

For now, hi from Bend!

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2021 - Disney Trip - Orlando, FL

I spent the last 3 days with my family at Disney. I always enjoy these trips, but this one was particularly fun for some reason. We all just seemed to get along better and I felt relaxed. We went to Epcot one day and the Magic Kindgom the next. Things are definitely still weird at Disney; lots of little things that would only make sense to a long time Disney park goer like me. For example, the second day we were in Magic Kingdom and wanted some “Mickey Ears”, which are these dark chocolate ice cream bars in the shape of Mickey’s head that my family and I really like. Normally, at Disney, there are 800 people all swarming you wanting to sell you any and everything, including ice cream. But this time we actually had a hard time finding anybody! There was so much less staff on hand of every kind and it was obvious. A lot of things are moving to apps - at one point we went to Starlight Ray’s Cafe, which I like because of the totally weird Sonny Eclipse animatronic show, and in order to even get in the door, we had to show an online food order - you can’t just walk in and order any more. All of this is fine, it’s just a bit unsettling. The parks look mostly OK, but you can tell that this is a tough time for them. But we still had a ton of fun. The second day at Magic Kingdom was really nice because there were so few people - Space Mountain had a 15 minute wait! We did everything in Tomorrowland, and particularly enjoyed the Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor, where they do a short comedy show with real live comedians. I actually laughed pretty hard for the first time in a while.

Epcot was nice too; they were doing the food and wine festival which is fun, and we ate at the Coral Reef restaurant; the Lobster Bisque is my favorite and it didn’t disappoint. The Epcot resort area is a mixed bag; the Cape May restaurant, which is usually one of our favorites because it’s a buffet, had gone way way downhill. But the pizza at the pizza window was delicious, and my brother rented Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and we watched most of it until my mom got bored.

All in all, a good trip.

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2021 - Wine Tasting with friends in Napa

Yesterday I went up to Napa for a quick little wine tasting with my friend Courtney and her two friends up in Napa. She just invited me to go and…I went! That probably doesn’t seem so remarkable to many readers, but for me, having a group of friends who are just full of plans and I get to tag along is not really been my life experience for the last few years! Pandemic and all. So the simple and easy nature of us getting together to just drink a little wine and eat a little cheese was remarkably nice. We were only up there for an hour and a half or so but the wine was tasty and the cheese was delicious and the company was great.

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2021 - Swimming at the Oakland Estuary - 1100m

Today I got a last minute request to go swimming from my open water swimming friend Nataly, so we met up down at the Oakland Estuary/Jack London Aquatic Center and went out for a swim. Open water swimming is something I’ve gotten back into recently, mostly due to Nataly. At Jack London we go out onto a pier and just swim among the boats. This time we ran into a large group of high school students doing regatta/dragon boat practices. Usually the water - which is salt water from the bay - is not so bad, but occasionally it smells really fishy, and today was one of those days. I did some open water practice back in the day as part of my triathlon practice, but this time around I”m just swimming for its own sake. It’s a great workout. I swim with a wet suit because I hate the cold, but you really don’t have to have one, and Nataly doesn’t use one.

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2021 - Running along Alameda Beach - 5k

Today I ran a 5k along the Alameda shoreline, just to get back into the swing of things. I ended up over there because I had an errand to run, which might end up being a blog post today or tomorrow. The Alameda beach is a bit of a hidden gem - it’s off the beaten track, there’s very little public transportation, but it’s only about 10-15 minutes from Oakland through the tunnel. In fact you can reasonably run all the way there from Oakland, if you’re serious. It’s often chilly and windy out there and the water is very cold, but it’s beautiful and there’s great views of the city, with public bathrooms, and it’s free with usually plenty of parking. I went out there once for a windsurfing lesson and you often find lots of windsurfers dotting the beach. It used to be a big military area - I hear they docked warships there and they refer to it in one of the Star Trek movies - but that doesn’t seem to be as much of a thing these days, though there still is a Coast Guard depot somewhat nearby on a separate island. Anyway, it’s a beautiful jog of about a mile or so along the coast that I turned into an out and back and did a full 5k, and it felt good.

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2021 - Rogue Burn - Black Rock City, NV

I did it! I went to Burning Man! At least, sorta. Mostly. Granted, this year was the “Rogue Burn”. It wasn’t officially Burning Man. But in a way, I think it was - for me - even more Burning Man than Burning Man would have been.

Flash back to last Tuesday or so. I was feeling a bit down because I wasn’t going to get to go to Scotland. I pinged Carla to ask what she was up to and whether she wanted to go sailing. And instead she asked me to go to Burning Man. This is why you have friends. She proceeded to throw me in a car along with half of her tent and an air mattress and a sleeping bag, and 48 hours later off I was to the Nevada desert with her, her boyfriend, her boyfriend’s dog, and two other friends Dave and Rene. I told myself I would just have a chill time and enjoy being out there in the desert, and, you know what: I did! I didn’t party hard, just hung out with friends, had some good conversations, probably one too many cheap beers, and rescued a 21 year old by driving her a mile back to camp on a Panda.

So, here goes:

Notes From The Playa - Day 1

Notes from my experiences, here in no particular order.  Typed out on my MacBook Air as I sit on Carla’s boyfriend Andrew’s very nice chair, at 7:45 in the morning on Saturday while watching the sunrise over the dried lake bed that everyone calls “The Playa”, I assume ironically since water is the one thing that nobody has.

1) Coming In Was Surreal - even though I was expecting it to some degree, coming in to the lake bed was surreal.  Until you hit the turn off, it’s a pretty standard Nevada desert experience, familiar to me since I rode my bike across Route 50 with Bike the US for MS - pretty sparse, rolling two lane country highway, with some vegetation along the sides.  But once you turn off, it becomes surreal.  Carla tells me that in a normal year, there would be a line of cars and civilization starting right from the get-go, but in this weird renegade year, there was literally nobody there - nobody to greet us, nobody else to see, just a great vast expanse of nothing, as far as the eye can see.  There’s nothing to break the skyline, nothing for your eye to latch onto.  It reminded me of the Nothing from NeverEnding Story, or possibly a new map in a video game.  Just clouds of dust and a perfectly even white horizon.

2) The Tablua Rasa - this is obvious, of course, but the tabula rasa of the space really is powerful.  The fact that nothing is here - nothing to fight against, nothing to act with or against - just the freedom to define your own time and experience.

3) My Phone Is Chatty - I woke up this morning and looked at my phone screen and was surprised to see a dozen or so notifications.  I thought perhaps I had gotten a minute of internet - that does happen from time to time.  But it was just my phone telling me things that various app owners thought I might want to know - from The NY Times Crossword to Tinder and everything in between.  No wonder we have short attention spans.

4) Bikes - My god, the bikes!  Bikes everywhere.  Little ones, big ones, nice ones, crappy ones, fat tires, skinny tires, most of them lit up like Christmas or more.  As someone who loves bikes but in a totally different context and for a radically different reason, it was really awe inspiring to see so many bikes and it also weirdly made me feel like I was home, and welcome.  I think it’s my favorite aspect of the whole experience so far.

5) The Dust - it really does get everywhere.  It’s not as bad as people made it out to be - my asshole is not encrusted - but boy, don’t bring anything you want to stay clean, ‘coz it ain’t gonna.  I literally just sat my laptop down for a minute and came back to it, and the dust already was coating the keyboard.

6) The Music - Someone is always playing music, all the time.  Like, 24/7.  You get used to it.  I even managed to sleep through it, which is very unusual for me.  If I had one request/criticism, it’s that 99% of the music is the same basic EDM.  I would love to hear someone mix it up and start playing blues, or even rock.  So much great music out there, and really who’s dancing at 8 in the morning?  Couldn’t you take a 5 minute break?

7) The Temperature - it’s pretty damn cold at night, and pretty damn hot during the day.  Honestly, people exaggerated this part a little bit; but still, it’s interesting to watch the change of the way people dress and interact with the environment, between the hot, bright day and the cold, dark night.

8) The Lights - The environment at night is beyond surreal.  The bikes play a big part in this, as do the art cars; the sensation of random stochastic movement is intense, and could be disorienting, except that it is all so friendly and you don’t really need your sense of orientation anyway.

9) Backpacker Pantry meals - they’re tasty!


Thoughts from the Playa - Last Day

10) I really admire people who are emotionally and logistically self-sufficient, but are still capable of being emotionally and physically available.  I bonded with a friend of Carla’s named Dave Porter - he’s the guy that came and fixed my bathtub - and I admire his self-sufficiency without being distant.

11) I really would love to see what Burning Man people can do with the full art and organization.  I’m not looking forward to 8 hour lines and $500 tickets, but I guess I will have to come back.

12) One of the things that struck me immediately upon arrival was my perception that I felt I was in the company of mostly white people. In the interest of fairness, there certainly were some non-white people but I coudn’t shake that feeling all weekend. I’m sorry about the next sentence because I’m sure it will rub people the wrong way but it really struck me as a bit of a tribal experience for white people.  It certainly was not that I experienced any exclusion or racism, but still, I couldn’t ignore my feelings.

13) Living here for 7-10 days would require a whole new level of commitment and organization.  In general, you *can* sorta just plan to be here last minute, and you won’t die or anything, but the more money and time you put into it, the higher quality of life you can have.

14) Unsurprisingly, taking a break from the Internet is really great.  It’s funny though because there is some remote cell service, so occasionally the Internet pops in and dumps a whole load of notifications and such.  I call it the “Internet coming by to say hello”.

15) Carla’s boyfriend Andrew had these two cool scooter-type things for kids in the shape of animals - one a Panda, the other a Leopard.  They don’t go very fast but boy were they the highlight of the show.  One day a random stranger - a woman who looked about 21 - wandered into our camp, utterly lost.  I ended up taking her back to her camp on the back of the Panda (“Ling-Ling”, if you must know), and it was one of the best parts of the trip just because it was so fun to ride that thing, so fun to problem solve and fun to be useful and wanted.  She was really lost!  

16) It is so easy to get lost out here; I hear that the regular organization builds in roads and other such, but this being the “renegade burn” there was none of that.  I brought an AirTag that I left at camp, and that ended up being a huge success because even without any service or anything, it was easy to navigate back to camp.  For folks who don’t have that - like the lost 21-year-old - there is an app, What 3 Words which, while not perfect, is a lot better than nothing.  It basically just lets you communicate a point in space to someone else and then just sorta guides you to that point.  It doesn’t work anywhere near as well as the AirTag but you don’t have to have an AirTag.

17) My friends - and especially Carla - really went above and beyond for me on this one.  I have to do something nice for them in return.  I owe them one, big time.

18) I think one of the things I liked the most about the experience is that it genuinely inspires a desire to give back.  All cynicism aside, there is something about the event that makes you say “I want to do something cool and then give it away to everybody”.  If for no other reason than that, I think it’s an amazing event and accomplishment.  

19) I told Porter I was going to blog about it and he said “let me know if you manage to describe Burning Man because I don’t think anyone ever has”, and I see what he means.  On one level it is just a prosaic camping event/music festival/art show in the dust, but on another level it’s a bit hard to really pin down.  I think you would need some poetry; perhaps I will feel inspired in a few days.

And that’s it! Pics to follow.

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2021 Post-Bike Adventure - Day 8 - Walnut Creek, CA

Today was a travel day, travelling home. I ended up flying through Atlanta and hanging out at the Delta club there. Airplane clubs are a really fascinating thing; they feel like some sort of anachronism, a holdover from the days of golf country clubs and the Knights of Columbus.

Woke up this morning at the Strubles and rode to the airport with Matt; stopped by McDonalds. The meal that I order which in the bay area costs about $11 cost about $6.50 there. I guess that’s one reason people live there!

It felt really good to be home and to fall asleep in my own bed. I ended up having to walk all the way home with my 50 lb. bike box because both Lyft and Uber are, apparently, really low on drivers. Nobody wants to drive or work in fast food restaurants anymore!

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2021 Blue Ridge Parkway - Day 7 - Roanoke, VA - 49 miles

The last day! It went by so fast. The riding today was amazing as always. We rode past McAfee’s Knob - I need to go and hike there someday. I got to ride a lot with Caleb (the lawyer from Kentucky) and he explained how depositions work to me; it was pretty fascinating. It’s a much more human process than I thought at first.

The most important thing to mention here, dear Reader, is that I’ve canceled the leg of my trip going to Scotland. In the end, the risk of ending up stuck there and not being able to start school on time was simply too much to handle. I’m really looking forward to just getting home and getting ready for school, and working on my Master’s degree.

Today we had a great rest stop where Don made us tacos and we just sat around shooting the shit. After we got to the Strubles’ house, they made us some food and then we headed out to a brewery near Salem and ordered Mexican food. It felt really nice; just hanging out with a group of good friends. My bike friends over the years have slowly removed the “bike” part and now they are just friends. And the Colorado Burrito was really good.

So, one adventure ends, and another begins. I’ve decided I’m going to keep blogging, at least for a while until school starts. I may skip some days in the middle where not too much happens, but for now, we’ll keep things going.

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2021 Blue Ridge Parkway - Day 6 - Blacksburg, VA - 85 miles

We’re staying at Kaylyn and Nick’s house! It rained like craaaazy - East Coast rain, the kind we don’t get out West. Today’s ride was pretty tough - the first 40 miles or so was on the New River trail, so it was a wide dirt trail. Then we stopped at this restaurant - I thought I recognized it, and it turns out that I did! Because it’s part of bike route 76, the TransAm, so I was there in 2016. The Draper Mercantile. Then the last 40 miles was just basic urban riding. We stopped at Sonic and got limeades. It got pretty hot. Tonight is a big party; we got huge pizzas, and hung out inside their house - everybody with masks on. It’s so fun being here. I can’t believe tomorrow is the last day.

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2021 Blue Ridge Parkway - Day 5 - Galax, VA - Cliffside Campground - 62 miles

This morning we had Don’s Diner - Don and Cassie made us breakfast sandwiches. I rode most of the day with Caleb. We talked about relationships, about being a lawyer, about a bunch of random things. Most of our ride was on the Blue Ridge Parkway, which is beautiful and has very little traffic. I got a great shot of Rob and Zach riding along from an overlook. I still felt strong riding but it’s starting to drain me. I stopped at an old mill. We’re in the meat of the riding now. In the evening we rode into Galax and stopped off at a Dairy Bar where we bought Boston Shakes, which turned out to be a milkshake with a scoop of hard ice cream on top, and hot fudge, whipped cream and a cherry. I wanted to buy both of our milkshakes and the bill was $6.78, and I said “but I wanted to pay for both”, and it turned out that was the price of both. That’s rural areas for you. We ended the ride on the New River bike trail, which is where we’re going to spend most of the day The campground was along a river, and we went in swimming, which is one of my favorite activities. The evening was spent in some pretty serious conversation about relationships, Scotland, and the fact that the members of the Space Force are called Guardians.

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2021 Blue Ridge Parkway - Day 4 - Rocky Knob, VA - 47 miles

Today was the first real day of riding. The riding itself was amazing, as always. I am surprised at how strong I feel, physically. There is one guy here - Mike - who clearly destroys me and everyone else, but other than him, I feel like one of the stronger riders. I guess all those trips up Mt Diablo kept me in pretty good shape.

The Blue Ridge parkway is beautiful. No question about it. Oh! I saw a bear today. i made a choice to ride out across a field of heather to visit a restaurant where I could buy some beer and a diet coke. The place itself was nice; the lady was really sassy and I overheard her saying to one of her long time patrons that the deal to finally sell the restaurant was about to go through, so that makes sense. Tasty turkey and bacon wrap. But anyway - I saw a bear! It wasn’t as big as I would have thought. Perhaps it was young. But it was definitely a bear, loping right across the road into the woods. It either didn’t see me or didn’t care.

I find my thoughts drifting in some strange directions and starting to coalesce around some new ideas. Continuing on with the theme of yesterday, I feel like different things are coming to mind. I still want to have some adventures, and I still want to find a fullfilling career. But the more I live, the more I dream about things like a stable relationship. I have been talking to one of my other friends Joe tonight about dogs, and getting my own dog. Most of the folks here - people I’ve known off and on for years - are in committed relationships, and many have dogs. Some of the older ones have kids. I am often struck, as I am in this setting, by how truly alone I am in the world, and it makes me sad, but it also crystallizes my thoughts around the idea that establishing friends and relationships has to be the most important thing.

I’ve seriously been considering canceling the Scotland leg of my trip. Part of that is because of all the COVID scares and nonsense and the idea that I might get trapped there. But also there’s started to be this creeping sense that maybe I don’t really want to go. I dream of settling down, and having strong relationships, not of having amazing adventures. I wonder what I’ve set myself up for with all this flying around and moving around. I wonder why I’m headed up to Bend when I know I like Oakland. Why don’t I just really invest in one place - make friends, invest in the friends I have, connect deeper with them. Yes, its true that a lot of people I meet in the Bay Area are not that great - but a couple of them are, and I could spend more time and invest in those people. Even the ones that aren’t perfect; especially the ones that aren’t perfect.

I am reasonably content with life. I miss Oakland. I miss my home. I miss my friends, and playing board games with Robin or talking about picking fruit trees with Nataly. Clearly being out here is fun, in a way, but maybe it’s not the kind of fun I’m looking for anymore.

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2021 Blue Ridge Parkway - Day 3 - Boones Mill, VA - 15 miles

Today I met the team. I am exhausted; mentally, physically. I think I have been carrying around a lot of stress that’s now expressing itself just through meeting all of these people that I know from the past. It’s a positive thing of course, but I just feel the weight of all the time under the bridge. I feel content, and comfortable, but a bit distant as if everything is viewed through a soft lens. When you squint, everything feels normal - a big group, hanging out, eating vegetarian chili and chocolate cake homemade by one of the rider’s sister, who is apparently a chef. But there are signs: the masks we all were given, the fact that we’re all sitting outside and not using the inside of the house, the signs that point the most direct route to the bathroom so we don’t linger. We’re camping every night, which is not something we would normally do.

I just feel very tired. I feel the weight of things from the past. I think this trip will recharge my batteries, slowly. Anyway: it’s still hot, it’s still green. I had lunch with Mike Platania: everything is just the same as it always was, which is both comforting and a little odd. I feel like I am slowly learning something about the way life works, and the rhythm of things. Most people don’t change as often as I do.

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2021 Blue Ridge Parkway - Day 2 - Salem, VA - Holiday Inn Express - 20 miles

Mmm, hotel rooms. Today I woke up in Catawba, a bit disheveled and stinky, and the plan was to ride about 20 miles to Blacksburg and visit the ancestral home of Bike the US for MS, then 30 miles back to Roanoke. But got about 2 miles into that plan and realized “hey, this is a bad idea”. I’m not used to riding while carrying all of my stuff, and the Virginia hills around here are really steep and hard to ride. I was worried about my bike, too - I have electronic shifters, and I forgot my damn charger!! Which means if the battery dies I can’t shift, and when you’re in the hills, that’s a death sentence. So I got a room at the Holiday Inn with a hot tub, and I lived the life of luxury - free printer, laundry machines, clean room, air conditioning. It was pretty great. I pretty much just sat around, got over some of my jet lag, and played video games. Haven’t really had a day off like that in quite a while. Ate at some local Virginia diner; had the chicken wings, they were pretty tasty. Just that kind of day.

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2021 Blue Ridge Parkway - Day 1 - Catawba, VA - Four Pines Hostel - 19 miles

Today was the first day of my grand 2021 bicycle adventure. I haven’t talked much about it in this space, but it’s been in the planning stages for quite a while. For posterity’s sake, I will run down the bare facts: about 2 weeks ago I did, in fact, quit my job at Apple. Monday - I guess that’s yesterday, holy crap that seems like a long time ago - was my last day. I drove all the way down to Sunnyvale, to an office I’d never worked at, to a desk I sat at exactly once, and dropped off my computers, made a phone call to Cassie, ate at the mediocre company cafeteria, and left exactly as I came - as a ghost. There’s not much to say about my time at Apple, and I guess that’s sorta the point. Today, at 7 am, I hopped on a plane headed to the East Coast. I landed at 5:39 in Virginia, where I met my friend Michael Struble who chatted with me while he vaped and I put together my bike so he could grab my empty box and store it for me. Then I rode about 20 miles, chasing daylight up into the rural Virginia hills to stay at a hostel way out in the middle of nowhere. I’ll be meeting up with the Bike the US for MS folks, riding about 5 days in Virginia, then heading to Scotland - assuming I pass my Covid tests - for 9 days of riding out there, then a quick trip to Disney, followed by Walnut Creek for 2 days, then Bend, Portland, Vancouver, and finally school.

I wish I had some really intelligent thing to say right now, something pithy. Riding up here was hard, and rewarding. I got super sweaty and ended up in the dark. In the old days, rides like these built up my confidence. But I have that confidence now, at least about this sort of adventure. The kind of adventure I really want to have now is a quieter one, I’ve realized, full of kids and dogs and settling down. That isn’t to say I’m not looking forward to this, but it’s different this time. I’ve come full circle from the very first time I rode out of that place at 1970 Hayes into the Kerouac unknown. I don’t feel the call of the wild so much.

Anyway, rural Virginia is very very green, quite hot, pretty humid and super hilly. It’s pretty, and I can’t wait to meet my friends.

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2021 - The Shift

For some reason, I feel particularly compelled to write in my blog today, so I’m going to roll with it, with some stream of consciousness stuff that perhaps will be of interest to me in years to come. I watched a few times this week a movie which I’ve seen many times before but which I try to watch every now and then when I think I need to hear its message. It’s called The Shift and it is made by Wayne Dyer, who is hard to describe but I guess best known as a sort of self-help dude and motivational speaker. But that doesn’t really do him justice. He’s not full of himself like many are, and while he believes in meditation and such it’s really his message about authenticity that resonates with me. I speak about him in the present tense but unfortunately he died just a while ago…hold on let me see when. OK actually it was in 2015. So I guess it’s been a while. But I was introduced to him before he died, I remember that. Not sure when I saw the movie first, I can’t recall. Somebody showed it to me, but I forget who. (I sorta forget everything today, I have a bit of a weird headache and some tension in my neck).

Anyway the movie is an interesting artistic vehicle because it’s this unique - and, it turns out, uniquely effective - combination of fiction and non-fiction, set around a semi-fictional weekend at Asilomar down near Monterey and the idea that he’s there filming some stuff about his most recent book, while a bunch of families and other folks are just there staying for the weekend for their own reasons. There’s a rich obnoxious dude there with his wife who’s going to announce that she’s pregnant, a mother of two who’s feeling cooped up by constantly needing to be there for her husband and kids, and the erstwhile fictional documentary filmmaker, who is trying to make his “masterpiece” but finds out he lost the funding. You watch all of them go through their own shift while they have what Dyer calls their “quantum moment”, which is just a way of saying that sometimes when you hit rock bottom you get to a point when you realize that what worked for you up until that point - what Dyer calls “the morning of your life” - just isn’t working anymore in the “afternoon”.

It’s a message that really resonates with me because basically what he winds up saying is that you get to a point when the only thing that really matters to you is being able to be yourself. Which is funny because a lot of people might say the point is to do good, or be successful, or find inner peace or whatever, but he basically says it’s just plain and simply about being yourself. He plays around with different ways of putting it - following your Dharma, letting go, a “future pull”, letting God work through you, etc. but it just basically boils down to authenticity. And I really resonate with that because I think I have gotten to that point in my life - or at least will very soon. I’m honestly done caring nearly as much as I did before about what people think of me - my father, my mom, my brother, my many dates and partners, my coworkers. I just don’t care anymore, not because I suddenly grew a spine or because I had an epiphany but rather simply because I correctly recognized that whatever perils lie down the path of being yourself, the suffering you endure going any other way is way, way worse. It’s sort of a self-serving thing and the great paradox is that it turns out it’s also the way to wind up doing the best things for other people. It’s kind of a happy accident about people that when you let them be themselves, they want to do good things for other people. I sincerely believe that a lot if not all of the violence and problems of today come from sets of people who just don’t feel like they can be genuine or be themselves.

Maybe more about this tomorrow.

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2021 - Day 8

Today I am most proud of my walk. I took about a 10k walk today, just to clear my head and think about some things as well as get some exercises. I’m grateful that I have the health and the time and inclination to do something like that, and I’m grateful to myself for making that choice, when I could have told myself I was too busy or otherwise filled up my day. I walked around Walnut Creek and it was really nice - I got lunch and sat in a park I’d never been to, stopped by the bike store, exchanged my soda making canisters, and mostly just slowly ambled around while listening to my meditation app. Even the cold don’t bother me. It was a very peaceful moment.

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2021 - Day 7

Today what I’m most proud of - and yes, I’m still counting it as today even though it’s 2 AM - is beating Portal 2. I started it at about 3 this afternoon and I just finished! I did cheat two or three times, using a walkthrough. I wanted to finish before I went to sleep and it was dragging, but I really wanted to see the end of the story. It’s an amazing game, but really what makes it so good isn’t the gameplay but rather the art and the narrative. I don’t want to spoil it because most readers here who are interested have already played it and the few that haven’t, well, you should go play right now! It’s a masterpiece and it reminds me how rare really quality storytelling is in games, but how awesome and effective it is when it happens.

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