As I sit here, at Squat and Gobble, contemplating my departure tomorrow, the number one thing that I feel is tired! That may not sound terribly heroic. Perhaps it’s not the word you were expecting. But, at 37 years old, one thing I’ve learned is that life doesn’t always work out exactly the way it does in the movies. I’m definitely happy to be leaving. In a weird way I feel energized. But yes, definitely tired. Physically tired, maybe a bit existentially tired (although not as much as I was expecting). My goal in this blog is going to be - despite the fact that it’s for public consumption - to be as honest as can be. Both because I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not, and because I honestly think I do my best writing when I’m just balls-to-the-wall honest. So, yes, I’m tired. Today alone I made at least 2 easy mistakes, things I know I would have gotten right if I was sharp and on top of things. I walked into yoga training today and one of my best friends said “you look awfully tired for someone who’s about to start a trip across the country”. But here’s the interesting thing about me - I don’t get tired by athletic activity. On the contrary, I think the athletic part of this journey I’m about to start is the easiest part. In fact I think all this aerobic activity is going to actually give me a lot of energy. What drains me is dealing with people, dealing with anxiety, dealing with the city. Choice, conflict, the little ins and outs of being social - those tire me out. Riding a bike is easy compared to going on a date, no question about it. The road is so linear and open, and the task is so clearly defined. Here I am, here is the road - go that way. Pedal. Pedal slower, pedal faster, go uphill, go downhill - but always forward. Being there is better than being here. The decisions have been made, the die is cast - just go, and go, and be glad. Open the heart and let the wind inside. Nothing could be more simple, or more pleasant. I don’t know what’s going to happen. For all I know, this is my last day ever in San Francisco (although I doubt it, honestly). But I do know where I’m headed. I have a map, and a bike, and a trip to take.
So, yes, I’m tired. I’m excited, but I’m tired. Like a film shot in reverse, I think this trip will recharge my batteries, not drain them. Santa Rosa, here I come! I’ve made a bit of a decision that, even though I”m not entirely ready, I”m going to head to sleep early, since I”m so tired, and sleep in a bit in the morning. I have to - believe it or not - hit up the DMV as my last San Francisco errand in the morning - ugh! But then I’m on my way. I’m really excited about seeing my friend Kate tomorrow - she’ll be my first unofficial mascot.