Today I want to write a little about my parents. Continuing on the theme of positivity, my parents have definitely been a positive influence in my life, and I'd like to talk a little bit about who they are. There's no question that we've had our difficulties, but as I've come to understand them as people, not just as parents, I've learned a lot about life and developed a lot of respect.
My mother is kind of an amazing person. She was born in the Buffalo area to a very ethnically Polish and German mom and dad, one of 4 kids; not the youngest, not the oldest. Her dad was a carpenter of sorts and her mom - my Grandma, who would turn out to be one of the most influential people in my life - did all sorts of things, including at one point running her own lunch counter. My mom was very smart, and she ended up going to college, which was a big deal back in those days. She got into lots of different schools but her mom forbid her from going to far from home so she ended up at UB (University of Buffalo), not a bad school, not a great school. I think she majored in Economics. She's got a great story about how the only class she ever failed was Bowling, because they made her get up at 8 in the morning to go to the bowling alley and she just kind of didn't see the point. Her senior year, not knowing what the heck to do with herself, she was strongly considering joining the Peace Corps when she saw a listing for a class on campus in this weird thing called Programming. She took it, mostly just for fun. At the end of the semester, a bunch of recruiters from companies she'd never heard from, like RCA and IBM, came on campus and basically - in a desperate need to hire - offered good full-time jobs to anybody who had taken that class and gotten anything remotely passable. So my Mom became one of the very first female professional programmers. It's important to note that my mom is very attractive; tall, blonde, etc. So, yeah, you can just imagine. She never talked about it much, but I know she was subject to all kinds of harassment. I do remember, when I was older, that she talked about this one guy she worked for - Ned - who was a total sleaze. It's funny the way my parents met, because my Dad met my mom at work and kinda stalked her for almost half a year, asking her out repeatedly until she finally said yes. What's funny about that story is that my Mom doesn't even really remember all that; she was oblivious. Growing up, what I remember about my Mom was that she was always, always right, which was deeply infuriating, especially when I was a teenager. My Mom is a perfectionist; she can walk into a room and immediately tell you which fork on the table is in the wrong place. I learned a lot of things from her, mostly good things like work ethic, and the power of doing the right thing, and the joy of math and engineering. I also learned, though, that people are only good if they are right, and that your worth is dependent on how good of a job you do, and a lot of other unhelpful things. My mom - by her own admission - didn't have much of a maternal instinct. I never really got a surplus of hugs. Her way of showing she cared was to set me up for success in life, which is how I wound up taking the SAT 4 times, or applying to 13 of the top 25 colleges.
My Dad, on the other hand, actually comes across as kind of jokey and lazy at first (which couldn't be further from the truth). He's a Dad's Dad, full of bad Dad jokes. He was the son of a troubled family; his Mom was cool, but she was kind of weak, and she died when he was 12. His Dad was an absolute jerk; the kind of 1950s era male jerk that hopefully you don't see too much of anymore. He didn't care at all about the kids. I know this because he was still alive when I was born and didn't pass away until I was about 20 or so, but I only met him once or twice. He used to drive with his new wife straight down I-95 twice a year, coming within 10 miles of our house, and never stopped. He sent me a pencil set for my graduation - the only thing he ever bought me - and he engraved them with his own name. When my Mom died, he sent the kids off to live god knows where. For a while my Dad lived with his grandma, and then his Dad was forced to take the kids back. What my Dad remembers most about growing up is being on his own; leaving the house, sometimes, at the age of 13, and not coming home for days. He learned about life the hard way, and his whole life I think he's secretly felt that people largely don't give a crap about each other (because nobody gave much of a crap about him). Which hasn't stopped him from being an awesome person. He left to join the Navy, served 3 years - hated every minute - then got out and put some of his new Navy electronics skills to work sorting checks at a bank. Despite not having a college degree, he worked his way from the mail room all the way up to VP of the bank. My Dad has always worked really hard; whether that be with raising us, remodeling houses, at the bank; he never shies away from a difficult problem, and he generally has a pretty good attitude.
My parents did a good job of raising me and my younger brother. We never wanted for anything. They paid for us to go to college; education was super important to both of them. We learned about how to be good people. They sent us to church until we were old enough to decide if we wanted to go on our own (answer: no). I fought with my parents, especially my Mom. Mostly, the problem I had as a child was that I felt like I never really got to *be* a child. My parents treated us like young adults. That worked out OK for my younger brother, but it didn't work out so well for me. I definitely had an inner goofball, an inner child, that felt out of place in my family. My parents don't really goof around.
As an adult, my parents have become helpful friends. Sometimes I wish they were more obvious about how much they loved me; more affectionate. They don't call very often, and I wish they would. But, they're always there for me if I need them. There are very few people I can call anytime of the day or night, but my parents will always pick up the phone. They deserve the awesome twilight years they are having now; I get the sense that they're having a lot of fun in Florida, and I think that's awesome because they deserve it. I respect their hard work and attitude towards life. I also think it's great that they're in such great health because it bodes well for me as I get older. My Dad just picked up going to the gym, even though he's in his 70s.
One of the things I've learned from meeting so many people in San Francisco, and doing so much dating, is how *terrible* a lot of parents are. I used to complain a lot more about mine, until I started to realize how bad it could have been! I'd say my parents are at least in the 90th percentile! Anyway, that's a bit of insight into my folks, Bob and Camille.