The thing I will take away from this trip is the feeling I had biking the last 20 miles downhill into Lolo, MT, trees on both sides, river on one side, and wind at my back. Suddenly, I felt *alive*. I felt eager to see what would happen next. I’ll quote from Blue Highways:
“I had been a man who walks into a strange dark room, turns on the light, sees himself in an unexpected mirror, and jumps back. Now it was time to get on, time to see WHAT THE HELL IS NEXT.”
I realized that the universe was unfolding into a myriad of possibilities, and that I had been circling the drain of my disappointments. I just got suddenly really excited to do everything, all number of things. I swear as God and Montana is my witness I will never be bored again, and I am going to do whatever the hell I want (that doesn’t hurt other people), and if you don’t like it, well, tough. I wish I had known before how genuinely excited I could be about life; I think I’ve felt this way when I was younger, but it’s been a long time and it’s hard to remember. I want to do this, and that, and everything all at once. Here’s a partial list:
Go back and get my Ph.D. I’m not sure exactly in what, maybe in Cognitive Science or some sort of UX/Visual Design. I want it to do something with computers or art or entertainment, but mostly with how people think. I had this idea bout exploring how using different programming languages changes the way people express themselves and the workplaces they construct, but that’s just one idea
Learn to surf
Take a self safari through Africa
Ride a motorcycle through New Zealand doing extreme sports
Go to the World Cup - maybe the one in Moscow?
Get my exercise certification and teach in a gym
Get a Golden Retriever (or maybe a Lab)
Whitewater rafting
Food cleanse
Ride a double century in a single day
Clean out my storage shed in Austin finally
Move to Iceland or Estonia or someplace and work
Live in Missoula or Bend or Madison or someplace like that - explore college towns
Hang gliding
Turning on to Highway 93 was a jarring affront of civilization after the 66 miles in the forest. As I sit in this Pizza Hut, in Lolo, I know that I could turn my phone back on, but I haven’t. I’m savoring the last few moments of it being just me. Not exactly being alone, but being just me. I know that soon I will have to wonder who’s reading my blog, or who likes my Facebook, I’ll have to find the Warmshowers host and check out the ACA office and generally be nice to people and care what they think of me, and I’m savoring this moment of it really just being me, and it being up to me what I want and where I go. It’s not that I don’t care what other people think, it’s that I care way more what I think, and I’m going to be my own best friend, and make sure that I get what I want out of life.
