It’s hard to know what to write about today. I spent the last 24 hours in the company of both my friend Emily (yes, the Emily from Oregon, we happened to bump into each other again, how awesome is that) as well as some serious civilization. A lot of cool things happened to me, like riding the boat under the falls, and going to some Shakespeare last night (A Comedy of Errors - one of my favorites just because it gives the actors such an opportunity to emote). But somehow the thoughts don’t really resolve themselves into anything particularly profound. And that, in and of itself, is interesting to me, and what I want to write about: the power of being alone, as a tool for understanding yourself.
One of the things I’ve struggled with in life is the definition of myself as an introvert or an extrovert. When I take the Meyers-Briggs tests, I usually fall right down the middle of the I/E spectrum, often slightly to the E side, although it depends on when I take the test. But any effort to put myself into one of those two bins just seems to lead to frustration and confusion. It’s like the more I think about it, the less sure I am. I certainly have a lot of introverted tendencies. I like being alone, and when I rest by myself, that does seem to recharge my batteries. But, on the other hand, I love people, love parties. When I am by myself for too long I get kind of antsy. When I was a kid, I was the life of the party, always the one telling stories. I have video of myself at my own birthday party - I think I was 8 - and I look like the kid who might grow up to be President. As I’ve gotten older, though, more introverted tendencies have sunk in. In thinking about why that is, I realized that I’ve just gotten a bit wary of other people. Part of that is getting a divorce, part of that is living in cities like NYC and SF, and part of it is just the result of some unfortunate interactions with friends and people that I’ve let get close to me. I would not describe myself as jaded or cynical - in fact far from it, I’m very optimistic about people - but I would just say that I’ve rediscovered the joy of turning inwards.
