I want to take a second and talk about how awesome hostels are. I think they’re seriously under appreciated, and it’s time we fix that (or maybe not! If they got too popular I guess the jig would be up). I love meeting new people in a structured environment - check. I love meeting people that are on the move, adventurous, travelers - check. I love saving money - check. Basically, a hostel is like a hotel except it costs a hell of a lot less and you instantly make a bunch of friends. Also, they always are in the know - they have all the information you need about the local area. And they often have awesome perks. The hostel that I stayed in here in Buffalo has, for example, a room in the basement where you can sit on a comfy couch and watch old VHS tapes. They also have laundry facilities, a place to store your bike, a full kitchen, a really nice reading room, free books, free clothing swap, and they are having an awesome sing-along tonight (which I can’t stay at). It used to be that hostels were for young people only (do I still qualify?) but that’s started to change over the years. And all that for $12.50 a night (the special bike rate, normally $25, still a hell of a deal). Of course, if you’re a family, or if you just really want your privacy, then a hostel isn’t the right choice, but for people like me who are looking for an adventure, it’s honestly so amazingly awesome.
I read one time an item about the habits of highly successful people, and one of the things they said which resonated with me was that successful people make all their decisions in the morning, when they’re fresh and in the best mood. They plan out most, if not all of their day and make the major choices that they know they’ll face - leaving room to correct course, of course. I thought this was a great idea - still do - but I think I could go even further with it. If it makes sense for a day, it makes sense for a lifetime. That is, I can make most of the major decisions about how to approach life when I’m ready for them, relaxed and in a good mood, and then just stick to those. So, that’s part of what this trip is about, is figuring out myself and making choices. You see, I find decision making to be stressful. Being out on the road, I could relax because my life was pretty well planned out - get up, ride the bike, find a place to rest, fall asleep. Rinse, repeat. Here in civilization, things get a little blobby, and there’s a ton of little choices - where to eat, when to work out and how much, how much money to spend. It would be nice to have a game plan, but instead of using someone else’s, why not write my own? So, here’s some things that I forthwith realize about myself:
1) The obvious - making decisions stresses me out. I’m good at it, and capable of doing it; I’m not wishy-washy by any means. But, I find it anxiety-producing. I think when I’m older I’m going to enjoy those tours where they just point in a direction and tell you what to look at.
2) I love to exercise (cardio). It physically puts me in a good mood. It’s not even rational; it works at a deeper level than that. I just love the feeling of motion.
3) I get bored easily. I need new things all the time to keep me motivated. As a corollary to that, I vastly prefer exercising outside because it holds my attention so much better. I think this is one of the reasons I have trouble with lifting weights. If somebody could invent a machine where, by lifting weights, I somehow moved around the country, I’d be incredibly buff by now.
4) I like group events. They provide a nice balance between introversion and extroversion. I love meeting new people, but I really enjoy structure around it, to take away some of the social anxiety.
Based on these 4 items, it would seem like an ideal activity for me would be group events where you exercise outside, and somebody takes care of the details. And, indeed, I’ve done a few things like this and I always enjoy them. So figure that to be a big part of my life from here on out - charity races, ski trips, running clubs, etc.
Related to the drive for new things is a love of learning, and of schools - like universities. Also I tend to be attracted to youth, or people that think youthfully. So I have often thought that some kind of teaching job - maybe at a university or community college - could be in my future.
5) Hydration is a big part of my mood. It’s become clear that I need to drink a lot of water. I don’t know if that’s just the way I’m built, or the fact that I exercise, or both. I literally cannot out-drink my body.
6) I get way too sentimental about things. I think the fact that I don’t have an obvious target for my emotions - a family, a relationship - makes me randomly just focus on weird stuff and ascribe way too much emotional content to it. I tear up about old movies, mope about perceived slights, and generally act like a teenage girl. I think to some extent I have to just accept that’s part of my psyche, but I also think that, with some changes to my life in this other categories, I could learn to get a grip.
Related to both of these things is a tendency to misidentify my moods, especially my bad moods. Oftentimes I get existential about what amounts to just a lack of hydration or sleep, or just not getting enough exercise. I’m reminded of Scrooge’s line about a ghost just being “a bad bit of beef…there’s more gravy than grave about you”.
One theme of the last few weeks has been the juxtaposition of the new and the old. Biking around Buffalo has been a sort of nostalgia tour for me, but interspersed with the “modern me”. I spent a day bouncing around the area looking at old houses - the house I grew up in, the house my grandma lived in, the restaurant we always used to eat lunch in - but also doing things the new me loves - I went to a power yoga class, spent a good part of the day on a bike, went to an electronic music event at night. And it was cool. Weird, but cool. Like a joining of a string. Hard to describe. It made my past - which at times felt a bit fuzzy and indistinct - really come into focus.
